5 Ways of Attaining Core Confidence – Ways of Living Like a Human 2.0.
So what does this mean? By the end of the article, you will see how you can build Core Confidence which is a healthy confidence and comes from deep within you, from your purpose and mission.
First, let us see what is the difference between confidence and Core Confidence.
Confidence can be gained in multiple ways and it doesn’t need to have healthy roots.
You can have money and be confident because you are rich or wealthy.
And you can be physically strong and be confident because you are strong.
You could have a terrible life story and then look at other people like they are smaller than you or worthless (happened to me after deportation from Russia and “jail time” in Turkey).
This confidence has a shitty root and it’ either not healthy for you or not healthy for people around and sometimes it’s both. How many times did you meet a sleazy salesman who is confident but in a bad way? They can be pushy, misleading or plain rude or condescending.
There is a different type of confidence called Core Confidence which springs like water from your soul, heart, and purpose. It is a type of confidence which is connecting your mind, heart, and gut and puts them into alignment.
This confidence strives to connect with others and uplift them as well as you. Core Confidence seeks growth with healthy boundaries.
We will talk about Core Confidence because it is in alignment with not only us at Self Help Basis, but with you as well. It is harder to attain than simple confidence, but it is much more valuable. You will grow and help other people grow through you. You will become a magnet for good emotions and people will be inspired by you and by you, eventually becoming a walking inspiration.
Here are 5 ways that will help you get Core Confidence
If you know what are your core values, those ideals on which you make a decision, then you need to follow them rigorously no matter how hard it may seem. There are 2 tricks here.
The first one is to have healthy values. How to spot if my values are healthy?
Your values are healthy if they are intrinsic. This means that the values are in your control and rely on intrinsic events. A type of good value is honesty (always in your control), passionate work (always in your control), transparency (always in your control), authenticity (always in your control), creativity and etc.
Your values are not healthy if they are extrinsic. This means that the values are almost never in your control and rely on extrinsic events. A type of bad value is being liked by everyone (almost never in your control), not being alone (almost never in your control), having tons of money or pleasure non-stop.
The last 2 are great if they are a by-product of good values but if they are values, it’s terrible. Just ask any businessman who is in jail or a junkie/alcoholic waiting for the next fix/drink.
When the values are right, you don’t need external validation for your decisions. Just listen to what your values tell you and do actions according to them. This will develop Core Confidence in you.
2. Mind-to-Body – Visualization
A study was done on the human brain which shows that your brain can’t recognize if something is happening now or if it’s just imagination. You don’t have to believe in this research, just read the first part of this text and you will see it.
You have your values and you figure out through that what kind of person you want to be. When you have a goal for your business or anything else, you figure out what kind of a person you need to become to be able to have that.
If you want to be a millionaire, you need to become X. If you want to have a great sex life, you need to become Y etc. So now you have the behavior and mindset of that kind of person. The next step is to imagine how you will behave when you are X or Y.
I am a millionaire and I imagine myself sitting in my three bedroom apartment on a new laptop, buying plane tickets to go see my old friends all over the world. And I just type in locations and buy tickets without even looking at the price, pack the bags in the moment and leave it near the door.
I go to my bedroom where my girlfriend was reading an awesome book about tantric sex and she looks at me with those big blue eyes and tells me “Hey Bruno, I just read about this awesome technique. Let’s try it! “. Woah, I will stop here and won’t tell you any further but you get the idea. The major thing is to imagine it happening RIGHT NOW, not in the future because for your brain it will be always in the future. You need to imagine it now.
Your brain then thinks its happening right now and puts your body in an emotional state which corresponds with the current reality. That means that your brain thinks you are right now a millionaire and leads your body to behave like that (with your values in mind). This leads to the development of Core Confidence because it is not about the money of the millionaire, it is about his behavior.
That is why you need to first figure out what kind of person you need to become to be a millionaire (person X).
3. Body-to-Mind – Fake it till you make it
Amy Cuddy talks in her TED talk about the ways you can use your body to affect your mind. She did a research to see how power stances affect our brains’ chemistry.
The research showed that a simple power stance for only 2 mins gets your brain to lower the Cortisol levels by 20% (stress hormone) and to raise Oxytocin levels by 18% (happiness hormone).
Our brain responds to our bodies again in a way where a simple body stance changes the way you feel. This is super important when you need to do a presentation in front of an audience. A quick run to the bathroom for 2 min, do a power stance and then come back helps you be more relaxed, more yourself and connected with the audience.
When you are just starting to develop Core Confidence which is a long-term goal, this simple way of “tricking” your mind is really helpful for a lot of situations which are happening right now. This also helps in the long term because you know how to prime your brain to behave in accordance to you and after some time, you normally start to behave like this.
4. Mission-based life
When you are clear what is it you want to accomplish in your life, where you want to contribute and what your passion is, then all the other bullshit won’t phase you.
Imagine this as a road to a city. The city is your vision. The reality you want to see happen during your lifetime and it something you work for.
The road is your mission, the things you need to do today and every day until you achieve your vision (come to the city)
While on that road, you see shit from both sides of the road but they don’t phase you. You acknowledge that they exist, but you just don’t give a fuck as Mark Manson said.
Mission-based life means that every single day you work on your mission and know where you are going. This makes you laugh at other problems in your life because they are not big enough. You just care about achieving your vision. This will sky-rocket your Core Confidence and make your future-oriented.
You see other people being offended by some stupid shit like:
- He didn’t call me yesterday, such an asshole.
- You didn’t congratulate me New Years.
- Look what Andrew is wearing. Oh my God.
- Look at Joanna, that greasy hair is hideous.
- My taxi was late to pick me up because of traffic so my day is ruined because of this blah-blah.
- The TV broke down. How in hell will I watch The Walking Dead now?
- Professor didn’t send us the results of the exam after 3 days. Horrible guy, really horrible blah-blah.
See, shit like this won’t phase you at all because you will have something more important in your mind. And that is your vision and alignment of your everyday life to be mission-based.
This is by itself the best technique of developing Core Confidence.
5. Empathy and Emotional Intelligence
The last one involves other people. No man is an island and you need to develop a connection with other people to be able to inspire them. This involves one skill which is so valuable but so rare to see. It is the ability to listen emphatically.
When you are with other people, try to bypass the mundane shit and talk about big things. Try to get them to talk about their vision, their mission or if they lack the same one, try to guide them to valuable sources where they can find it.
Listen and not only listen but engage people on topics they want to talk about and see how you can contribute to the talk. And for God’s sake, put emotions behind it. Become genuinely interested in what other people are talking about.
There are people with whom you won’t be able to spend a lot of time just because they talk so much bullshit. But guess what, you are not a tree and you can move.
Remove toxic people from your life and invest yourself where you can actually help.
Your ability to relate will be a direct correlation to your success in life. When you talk, you only repeat the things you already know. When you listen, you hear and absorb new information.
You won’t use most of it but it is super valuable because you gain a new perspective, new ideas or just confirmation that what you are doing is great. Get as much info as you can because it limits the possibility of a mistake from your side to the minimum.
Now, how will this help you develop Core Confidence?
Developing Core Confidence will come as a by-product because you won’t have the need to validate yourself to other people and to show how big or great they are. You will focus on them and by that, they will see you as someone who is inspirational and confident.
This feeling will be shared with you. I assure you on this and the feedback will give you a boost in Core Confidence and assure you that you are on the right track.
These were the 5 ways you can develop Core Confidence and become an awesome Human 2.0.
Thank you for reading the article. I hope it was helpful to you.
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