Just follow these 5 steps and they will lead you to a better life!
You know those articles and commercials that say “Just be positive” or “Stop the hate” and your life will be great.
They weren’t mistaken with that. If you stay positive and stop hating, your life will be much better.
But our contempt doesn’t come from the message by itself, but from the way, the message is presented to us. The 400-word articles on authentic self don’t show me, you, or anyone else the essence of authenticity nor do they respond to the famous questions “How?” There is simply no value in them.
So I will answer the question Why, How, and What of authentic self throughout this 6500-word article.
And it’s gonna be fun with plenty of shiny pictures so your mind doesn’t get bored.
Here is the table of content:
- Making yourself conscious that your authentic self does exist.
- Figuring out what your authentic self is.
- Applying your authentic self every single day
- What are you leaving with after reading this article
Purpose of Authenticity
Vast research, hundreds of books, unslept nights and life experience have all shown me the path to authentic self. So I believe that I have (at least) some stuff figured out and want to share them with you. So bear with me ’till the end.
For most of my life, I’ve had only superficial knowledge about a lot of topics. I went wide instead of deep but that lack of focus or better yet Fear Of Missing Out (FOMO) is something that our generation is struggling with. And a lot of us can’t escape that.
A couple of years ago I decided to finally focus and go deep. Deep into personal development and developing my authentic self. And it has paid off in multiple ways.
The first thing is to figure out what we need to do to become our authentic self. Or better yet, what we need to stop doing to revert to our authentic self.
There are 3 steps to becoming your authentic self.
- Making yourself conscious that your authentic self does exist.
- Figuring out what your authentic self is.
- Applying your authentic self every single day
So let’s go deep into step 1.
Step 1: Making yourself conscious that your authentic self does exist
Authenticity isn’t about adding things to you, it’s about removing them.
You see, you don’t become authentic by gaining a new skill set or knowledge. You become authentic by actually losing that knowledge and skill set.
It is the ability to unlearn that became the most important thing in the 21st century.
When we are born, we are born authentic. It is our PERSONALITY. Like molten glass, ready to be formed and shaped by our surroundings. Parents, teachers, siblings, traumas, happy moments, societies; Every single one of these things influences us.
But still, underneath all of that, lies our PERSONALITY. The one which is nice and kind, which resonates love and understanding, who knows what it wants and deeply cares about. This PERSONALITY, the one that we truly are, is unchangeable.
Because we are already authentic and perfect. It is the learned behavior that we need to shed away.
And that is our CHARACTER.
The base is there (PERSONALITY). It has always been there. But the ingrained neuron network that we formed (CHARACTER) in our years leading to now have caused us to lose touch with our authentic self (PERSONALITY).
You already have it within you, you just need to find it. Again. Change the CHARACTER, find your PERSONALITY.
So let’s see what actually happens to us from the moment we are born authentic to the moment we lose that authentic self (unconsciously).
Authentic kid in you
To become our authentic self, or to go back to our PERSONALITY, we need to first distinguish what actually is our PERSONALITY and what is our CHARACTER. Most of who we are today has been the sum of influences from our parents, family, peers, teachers, religion, society, news, media and general surroundings.
Some of it is good, most of it is crap but let’s wait with the judgment until we see what happened.
This is your authentic self, the kid inside you, which creates your PERSONALITY and your CHARACTER. When they become aligned, you become your authentic self.
In the beginning, your authentic self is comprised out of CHARACTER and PERSONALITY but there is no difference between those two. They are the same and you are authentic. You are an explorer, trying to figure out how stuff works.
As we grow up, we tend to create a difference between our CHARACTER and PERSONALITY. And we should do that. But the problem is that the difference is not aligned and our CHARACTER (what we do) becomes something totally different from our PERSONALITY (who we are).
This is caused mostly by people around us who tell us how the world should function.
So we hear a lot of shit and we believe it. Cause we hear most of them from our gods.
Because of that, we start to form walls around our PERSONALITY. Because if you are nice, the world will eat you alive. It is a scary place.
You shouldn’t be nice.
Okay, got that. Let me just put a wall in my PERSONALITY that keeps NICE in prison.
Then, we hear more of the ridiculous things that we believe in. So we create more walls and put more things in Prison.
This just becomes a snowball effect at some point.
You are born like that, and you will die like that.
Nobody likes you.
Cheat every chance you got. You’re a man and a man does that.
You want to change the world? Sit the fuck down.
I know that you have experienced much of this on your own skin. I did as well. Every single one of these situations has made us create one more wall. One more obstacle between who we are and what we do.
These barriers serve as a shield which keeps our PERSONALITY safe. Because our PERSONALITY can’t be harmed behind these walls. They have been created just because our PERSONALITY was harmed. We did this to protect us.
But the barriers also prevent us and our CHARACTER from talking with our PERSONALITY. So when we need to make a decision which will impact our lives, we don’t even bother asking the PERSONALITY. Because we can’t hear it.
Why should we even ask it? It is the one that brought us the problems in the first place (what got us here won’t get us there).
So we form a habit of not asking our PERSONALITY anything. And after a while, we lose the ability to talk to it. We can’t hear, talk or see our PERSONALITY anymore.
After years of behavior like this, the road to our PERSONALITY becomes lost. And we forget that it even existed.
This is true for me, for you, and for almost everyone on Earth. Until we have the transformation.
But before the transformation, we become different. We become:
- rigid when we’re hit by a bully in school. Or by an alcoholic father or frigid and ruthless mother.
- angry when we don’t get what we deserve (grade, girl, game etc.)
- nervous when we were supposed to present something on the stage. The fear of judgment from the crowd paralyzes us.
- unsatisfied when we didn’t get any respect from our friends, girl or boss. The humiliation was enormous.
- hurt when we have been called names either on social media, portals or in gossips. School, workplace or a party, it didn’t matter.
- cold when we realized that the ones we called friends betrayed us.
- depressed when we became alone because of our unpopular attitude towards something. Being even a mere 5% different can cause this.
All of these situations are a part of our everyday lives. It is what makes our life, whether we liked it or not.
And here is an example:
You come from a 10-day long trip and you call your friends for a coffee. You want to tell them all about your amazing experience. So you sit down for a coffee, you all excited, and you start talking about it.
“It was so freakin’ amazing. People are great, the beaches are amazing and the parties are outrageous.”
Friends look each other up and say, “Did you score any?”
“Nope”, you respond.
“Why? Couldn’t get any?”, friends asked.
“Nope. I have a girlfriend.”, you said.
“hahaha, dafuq man? You suck balls, you’re such a pussy. She wouldn’t find out”, friends pressured up.
“Come on guys, I would know. And I don’t do that “, you respond
“You fucking suck man. What’s wrong with you.”, friends keep laughing at your face.
And you pick up your stuff and leave from the coffee shop.
They stay. And they gossip, talk shit about you and soon enough you guys stop hanging around.
You acted according to your PERSONALITY and your values. The values said that you respect honesty, integrity, and faithfulness above all. In this case, it was about the girl, but it could have been a cause, organization, company, belief or anything else for that matter.
So you end up hurt. You acted according to your PERSONALITY and now, you’re hurt. And it hurts. It fucking hurts. You feel like shit, heavy-hearted like a sumo wrestler just dropped on top of you.
If you just had lied about that little bit of information to them, everything would have been okay.
So you get angry on your PERSONALITY. You create a wall towards the folder:
LIFE/ Love Relationship / Sex – rule: Never listen to my PERSONALITY on this topic!
And so it goes.
You find a new crew and they become your friends. You go on a 10-day trip again and you come back all excited to tell your friends about it.
You sit down to have coffee and you start talking.
“It was so freakin’ amazing. People are great, the beaches are amazing and the parties are outrageous.”
Friends look each other up and say, “Did you score any?”
At this moment, your head goes into decision mode. You have two options, to lie or to listen to your PERSONALITY. But then, your brain goes to retrieve the code for PERSONALITY and finds this:
LIFE/ Love Relationship / Sex – rule: Never listen to my PERSONALITY on this topic! If you listen to your PERSONALITY, you will get hurt and it will suck. You will be in pain and lose your friends. Lie and it will all be okay.
So you chose the option to lie. And proceed with this:
“Yeah!”, you respond
“Way to go, man! What was she like?”, asked the friends.
“A gentleman never tells”, you respond.
“You are a king, not a gentleman.”, friends boost up your ego.
“Just don’t tell my girlfriend. It would ruin our thing.”, you say.
“Your secret is safe with us.”, friends conclude.
And so it goes. Day in, day out. To keep your friends, to keep your job, to keep your girlfriend. To have peace here or there. Every single day the walls between your CHARACTER and your PERSONALITY grow stronger and soon enough, you forget that your PERSONALITY even exists.
We all at least once did something similar. We adjusted to the situation, to friends, family, or society to keep ourselves hidden in the mass. Because if you stand out, you are an easy target. Safety is in the masses, in keeping yourself in the flow, in the crowd.
At the end, those walls become so fucking strong and disturbing that we wake up one morning and ask ourselves ” What the fuck am I doing? Is this all there is to life?”
No. Life is beautiful. Life is magical and it can be something we are deeply grateful to. But for that, we need to find that small little voice in us (PERSONALITY) that is so quiet that we can barely hear it.
Your journey to authentic self will start when you hear that small little voice.
That small little voice can become louder. And the louder it becomes, the more clarity you have in your life. This clarity will bring your success and happiness in every single part of your life.
And to do that we go to step 2 of our journey.
Step 2. Figuring out what your authentic self is.
The first step was more or less easy. The first step only required for you to sit down, read a couple of things, and discover that you have something within you that can better your life in every possible way.
Now comes the hard part and the question which is bothering mankind since the ancient history. What is the purpose of life and how to apply the answer to the entire Earth’s population?
Why was Diogenes the happiest in a keg?
Why are the Buthanese the happiest people on Earth while their GDP is one of the lowest?
Is the pursuit of wealth the problem that stops us from achieving happiness?
Or better yet, why did Chuck Feeney give away all of his fortune (counted in billions) and became happy while Dan Blizerian enjoys all the perks of a rich man and still appears happy?
Why, why, why?
Every single one of us wants the same thing, to be happy. But what is the differentiating factor which would make me happy but not you?
What gives happiness to a Norwegian, but not to a Nigerian.
What is happiness for a kid in Bolivia, and what for a kid in US or Germany?
You see, we are so much alike but yet so different. We are bound by the same goals of happiness, abundance, and well-being but the paths and perceptions of those terms are a world apart.
Gratitude, purpose, and passion. We all have them, but they are completely different.
It is something unique for you.
That’s why the journey inwards is the loneliest one.
Other people can help you with questions and perspectives, showing you where to look but not what to see. They can prepare you for the path, but they can’t take it instead of you. Nobody can.
It is something you and only you must take.
That is just one of the reasons why so much youth travels today. They want to find themselves there, but more on that later.
Why am I telling you all of this?
You need to know that I can only show you the road, ask questions and open up perspectives. I can show you where to look, but not what to see.
I will guide you through this process, but I can’t take it instead of you.
That is the road you need to take. And it’s a road less travelled.
Because once you discover yourself, you can’t undiscover it. What was once seen can’t be unseen.
And it’s scary. You might not like what you find. It can, and will be, messy, confusing but also gratifying. Hard, dangerous, wild, entertaining, crazy, depressing. You will have a myriad of experiences on this journey.
And I can tell you immediately, IT WILL BE WORTH IT.
You will discover your PERSONALITY during the journey, hiding behind all the walls of bullshit rules. And then, all the concepts like purpose, passion, and happiness will mean something. Something real that can be measured and touched.
You will finally figure it out.
On top of that journey, you will add one more. The journey outwards. The journey to the fulfillment of your life’s purpose. Only by looking inwards can we gain clarity outwards.
And I can tell you, the journey outwards is one hell of a ride. It is tough as fuck but is so worth it.
So right now, I will tell you 3 ways with which you can discover your PERSONALITY and figure out what your life’s purpose is:
- Brules of Society
Let’s dive right into the first one.
How many times did you hear the phrase “Travelling to know yourself” that it already became a cliche? But they become cliches for a reason. And here is why.
You take the backpack from your closet. And you put your pants, shirts, toothbrush and the rest of the things you deem important.
The last things you pick up, you know, the most important stuff are your keys, phone, passport, and your headphones.Going nowhere without headphones.
Of course, you bring some material to write on. Note and a pen or whatever your preferred material for writing is. You need it to write down your thoughts.
You kiss your mother, father, brother, sister, boyfriend, girlfriend, cat or a dog and you go.
Where are you going?
To the wilderness or in my case, Russia.
To see who I am. To discover my authentic self.
By plane, bus, train, boat or by foot. Your way of transport is extremely important because you meet a different kind of people when traveling by foot or using the business class on the plane.
Day 1. You are scared shitless. Going from home, into the unknown. But it is necessary for a person. Something unknown, incomprehensible, and unseen to find himself in all that solitude. To find his PERSONALITY.
Imagine yourself in a forest in Russia. You have found a couple of people with whom you’re camping. The three of you are sitting down on an old log looking at the fire which keeps your hands warm and heats up your meals.
You talk, laugh and enjoy some liquor. The night gets late, everyone says good night and leaves the fire to sleep in their tents. You get inside of your tent, sit down, take off the boots you had on your legs the entire day and give yourself a foot rub. It’s great to ease the pain.
Then, it starts. No distractions. There you are. All alone, in the tent, so you go outside to look at the stars. You don’t find what you were looking for in the stars so you get back to the tent.
But it’s still bugging you. Something starts talking to you.
What is it?
It’s the real you. Your PERSONALITY.
When you are alone and there is nothing around you, nothing at all are you forced, no, obliged to talk to yourself. There is nowhere to hide now. No cell phone to keep your company, no TV to distract you, no laptop to binge watch episodes of Game of Thrones.
It’s just You and YOU. So you look and wonder. Finally, after so much time, you start talking to yourself.
You meet, assess and start exploring yourself. At first, it’s weird, like most of the things are in the beginning. But with time, you start recognizing that voice and you like it. You hear who you really are (PERSONALITY) and you start acting according to it (CHARACTER).
You find yourself in all of that aloneness. Don’t confuse this with loneliness. Loneliness is the unavailability to communicate with people on any level of awareness.
Aloneness is the unavailability to communicate with people on your level of awareness.
It’s when your aloneness kicks in, that your YOU understands you the best. In a way that nobody can and ever will understand.
It happens when you are found. When you have the time and no distractions to talk with your You (PERSONALITY). So seek aloneness, not loneliness. This is what people feel when they say that there are people around them, but they still feel lonely.
You need to seek inwards. Who looks outside, dreams; Who looks inside, awakens.
And when you return back, you feel different. You finally have found your True North.
It’s not about the countries you visit, or the destination or even the time you spent abroad traveling. It’s about your internal relationship with yourself or better yet, it’s about the isolation the traveling provides. That urges you to speak with yourself.
In Romania, there is a room in Biertan Church where you lock a wedded couple for two weeks. You do this with a couple whose marriage is in a crisis or wants to get divorced. The room contains only the following items:
1 bed, 1 table, 1 spoon, 1 set of bed sheets, 1 glass and 1 bowl. A married couple can decide to leave before the two weeks have expired.
And in 300 years of this room serving as a place for couples, only one married couple got divorced.
Isolation without distractions can be a powerful thing. And traveling helps you discover, feel, and experience yourself fully.
2. Brules of Society
In a nutshell, Brules are bullshit rules. They are false or rigid systems of beliefs that “tell” you what is right and what is wrong, true or false, what is acceptable and what not, what are the correct attitudes, behaviors, and decisions towards work, education, spirituality, love, religion, family etc.
Brules are mostly formed by heritage – from family, culture, religion, school etc. And they were useful in our history. It was the way we used to live. But today, they are just rusted chains which keep tying us to the unnecessary rules of the past.
An example of a brule is that you need a university diploma to be successful. This was questionable even in the past, but today it’s totally debunked. In this fast world, where the big guys are being disrupted by companies with 6 employees, a university diploma is almost obsolete.
Even worse, in the content creation business, a diploma from a big university can even be a hindrance.
And big companies started to notice that. So Google, E&Y and many other started hiring people who have the knowledge, skill, and attitude but lack a formal paper for that.
Over 15% of employees in Google don’t have a university diploma.
This is not to say that universities are useless. They have their purpose, but as Alan Watts wisely said:
Today we live in a world where you can succeed in almost anything. Even knitting!
If you are pressured to get a university diploma, stop for a moment and look around. Decide for yourself if that’s the right way for you.
Maybe something totally different is. And you need a different kind of approach and education. Online courses, freelancing work or books might be your way to go. Maybe it’s something different from that.
But whatever it is, you need to figure that out for yourself and listen only to your PERSONALITY.
Because that’s where your happiness, purpose, and mission will be.
One more example of a brule is a multi-ethnic and multi-religious community. Doesn’t matter if it’s a neighborhood, marriage or a school, it is still considered a problem almost everywhere in the world.
I was even a part of this problem when I was younger, thinking that there is no way we can peacefully live, work, and love with neighboring Muslims and Orthodoxes.
And there was (or at least in my head) a legitimate reason for this. We had a war between Croats (Catholics), Bosniaks (Muslims), and Serbs (Orthodox) 25 years ago. So the distrust was not only high in the elderly, it was high in the youth as well. And it was all justified with war, where all sense of community and multiculturalism was destroyed.
So I went with the hatred line. Luckily, I was saved by a group of young, perspective and purposeful youth called AIESEC. They showed me my way, the true way that was in my heart. And that’s where I learned how to love. That resulted in a catharsis where my anger and hatred vanished almost by itself.
If you are in a similar situation, stop and look deep within you. Recognize the brules of society, culture, family or religion telling you that “the other people” are worse than you. Or that they are not worthy of your love and respect.
Find love in yourself and you will find a way to live with everyone.
And the last example a brule I will mention are love relationships. In specific, getting married (until the age of 30) and finding your “better half”.
There is a notion going around, mostly in the mainstream media, about the way we should love other people. First of all, we keep getting the message about who we need to love, how does love look like and what a perfect relationship consists of.
All of this forces us into a single way of expressing love. A monogamous relationship which ends up as a marriage by the age of 30. 30 is taken as a turning point, where getting married by that is normal, but as soon as you pass that mark, something is wrong with you. People start to perceive you like that.
I have nothing against marriage. One day I want to be married to a woman that I love. But it will be only on our terms and not by social norms. Because of people, pressured by different factors from the society, form relationships which are bad and then get married because of the pressure.
All of this creates unstable families, people who are not with the right person (on an emotional base) and then you get children. The children role-model that kind of behavior and create a vicious circle of same mistakes happening generation after generation.Where does it stop?
It stops with you.
You are taking the approach that you are enough for yourself and that you have decided to share that with somebody else.
You won’t be dependent on another person completely or lose your life goals, vision, and purpose because of love. A relationship will form because you want it to form and exactly with the person who you want and fits your life.
It will happen from abundance, not scarcity and it will be the right thing for you.
This is a decision that you absolutely shouldn’t rush because you are staying with this person for your entire life. You need to have a clear head when deciding the future of your entire life.
There are many other brules which are destroying our society today but you can explore them by yourself. We need to move on with our guide to authenticity and look on the third category of figuring out your PERSONALITY.
When you look at the picture, what do you notice?
We think that we know a lot about ourselves and our lives. What we like and dislike, what would make us happy or what is the thing that we hate.
Because we easily go into theorizing about the things that would make our life great. And I know this particularly well. I have an M.D. in Political Science. Almost everything that we do is based on theorizing and we do that more than some people sleep.
And that is good. To a certain degree. But it can’t show you who you really are.
And here is an example which will show you exactly what I mean:
Mary is a scientist and her specialty is color. Especially the color blue.
She knows everything that is known about the color blue.
Even the RBG parameter.
Every possible piece of information about the color blue.
But Mary lives in a black-and-white room.
She was born and raised in there.
And the only way she can see the outside world is through a black-and-white monitor.
One day, someone opens the door to the room and Mary goes outside.
At that moment, she spots it.
The blue sky!
In that moment Mary learns something all of her studies couldn’t tell her.
She learns what it feels like to see color.
We are like Mary. We think we know a lot about our lives, things that we would like and the things that would make us happy. Only to discover them, feel them, and see that it doesn’t feel any different.
The difference is in experience. We can’t know for sure until we feel it. And we feel it through experience. That is what makes a difference in our lives.
But what is the best way to find that out?
Through volunteering. I got that feeling for the first time in 2013. And it was a magical feeling, helping someone else out without expecting anything in return.
This internship happened in 2013 via AIESEC – a youth leadership movement which creates leaders through multi cultural internships in more than 125 countries over the world.
I was a member of AIESEC for 6 years, but before I took it seriously and started investing my time in it, I had to see the product they were selling by myself.
Because I was one of those people who needed to see something with their own eyes to believe it. And it really opened my eyes.
I understood what it means to unselfishly help someone else. To invest 2 months of summer time in teaching Russian children English language. When all of your friends are at the seaside, chilling, resting, and enjoying, you are working.
But it felt great. And it opened a whole new level of myself that I didn’t even know existed.
And I couldn’t theorize this. I had to live through this experience, to feel what needs to be felt, to understand if I like it or not.
This experience completely changed my life. It showed me what I care about in life and where my passion, and ultimately my vision, lay.
With all this in mind, I understood that my vision is connected with helping people. But it was just a bit unclear and that changed very fast.
We had a conference coming up soon and I took a part of being the organizational team of it. We spend months preparing it and it was stressful, tiring, and frustrating. But at the end, we managed to create an amazing conference.
The end of the conference is always marked with “sugar cubes”. They are envelopes which have the names of every single person from the conference written on them. And then, you glue those envelopes to the wall and people can insert small (or big) notes of gratitude into them.
When the conference comes to an end, you close the envelopes and take them home. You can only open them when you arrive home and read what people have written to you inside it.
And I opened mine like a small child opens a chocolate. Hastily but still taking care of the content. I read through every single piece of paper, letter by letter, enjoying, crying, and laughing at the messages I received.
And the messages are not written just to be written. They are full of heart and emotions. You can feel that even through the paper.
The best thing that completely changed my life is the gratitude people had for you and your actions. They made you feel special and important. Because you impacted their lives.
This feeling, of being able to impact someone else to change their lives on better, is the best feeling in the world for me. And it just proved to me that my mission in life is to help people be the best versions of themselves. This is where my fire started burning strong and I realized I found it.
The purpose, mission, vision and my entire life fulfillment lie here. In the feeling of helping people, shedding their fear, motivating them to be the best and to help them figure out the same thing for themselves.
Helping people find their life purpose became my life’s purpose!
Now, all I had left to do is create a plan on how to do that and dedicate my life in fulfilling it. So welcome the third part of our journey
Step 3: Applying your authentic self every single day
The first step was all about decluttering our lives to be able to see that our PERSONALITY actually exists.
The second step was all about figuring out what our PERSONALITY actually wants. It was about finding our what we deeply want in life through our passion, purpose, and vision.
The third and last step is all about living our passion, purpose, and vision every single day of our lives.
And that is called a mission-oriented life.
But more on that later.
For now, let’s see what kind of a mess step two made in your head, heart, and gut. We probably have some sort a sentence, our own mission statement, which we created through our step 2 (volunteering, traveling, and destroying brules).
And that sentence looks something like this:
„I stand for Mostar and BiH, a place that will be changed from a constant hate, fear of „others“, disrespect and bullet holes on windows and walls to a place which will flourish with love, joy, empathy and respect by sacrificing everything including my life in achieving a better future for the people that will come after me.“
It took me years to finally come up with this one and it happened on one of the AIESEC conferences I attended in Romania.
That quote, when imagined, looks something like this
As you can see with this statement, it clearly defines my Why in life. But there is not a single sentence of HOW and WHAT in it. So it brings a lot of confusion in that department.
I discovered my end feeling. The one thing that I stand for, for what I am willing to die and live for. The one thing that gets me up in the morning, which keeps me up in the night and which gives me the purpose to strive for.
And this is what people call an End Goal.
This is the thing that people search for their entire lives and I was lucky enough to discover it when I was 24. Your WHY doesn’t change throughout your life. It will fuel the fire inside of you, whether you are 25 or 75. It is the only constant you will ever have in your entire life so take care of it.
So there is one thing off our list. The most important thing. But now we need to create a roadmap to that vision. To that place in our head which we want to drag out into the real world.
The place which exists as a vision for us, a foolish dream for others, but will be a reality for the future generations.
So to meet these End goals(s), we need to establish some Means Goal(s). And this is where the fun begins so pay attention.
We set up Means Goals to get to our End Goals. But in no way should we think of Means Goals as End Goals. This is where problems occur. They are just here to get us to our purpose.
Imagine that you want to go to a concert. Nothing in the whole world can replace that feeling. Not the CD, hearing them on the radio or watching them on TV. Absolutely nothing can replace the feeling of the concert.
This is your End Goal
For you to hear your favorite band, you need to be at a certain location on Friday 8:00 pm to live it through. And for you to get on that location and listen to your favorite band, you will need concert tickets.
You can get the tickets in multiple ways:
- Buying them
- Being the part of a radio giveaway. The radio holds a giveaway of 3 concert tickets
- You sister, who loves you very much, knows that this is your favorite band so she gives you the tickets as a gift
- Your good friend is working backstage and calls to tell you that he will get you in with backstage passes
These are your Means goals.
The point is that these are just examples of ways you can achieve your End Goal – listening to your favorite band at their concert live.
There are certain means to our goals that we can’t even think about. So we need to be open for possibilities like those. To keep our eyes open means to spot certain situations which could help us achieve our End goals. These situations are most of the time random and we often miss them if we are not aware.
You could be walking down the street and help a person who could give you tickets in return. Or connect you to someone who can. You could literally find the tickets on the street. There could be at least a 100 more ways you could get those tickets but we can’t think all of them through. And this is why we need to keep our eyes open.
The message is that you shouldn’t be blindly stubborn in your approach and think that your way of reaching it is the only way. There could be unforeseen circumstances that alter your approach but keep you up on the path to achieving your End goal.
If you don’t get tickets from the radio giveaway, that just means that one of your means goals failed. This forces to you try out different means goals. Always remember that means goals are just that, means to an end and if one fails, you will find another one.
These lessons apply to life as well.
Failing an exam.
Marriage falling apart.
Our company goes bankrupt.
Our investment flops.
These are all means to an end. But we are so quick to judge ourselves as failures and losers as soon as one of our means goals fails.
You see, when I was creating my vision statement that you read above, I didn’t think about means. I didn’t care what the society will tell me or how it will react. I didn’t care and I still don’t. It is my vision, my purpose, and my reason to live. And no matter how many times I fail, I will never be a failure. Because I will still have the fire burning inside of me.
Maybe my company will fail (and it did), and maybe my online course will flop terribly (and it did), but I will never quit. I will find another way. Like I always did and like you will.
Never leave sight of your End goals. They are the ones that matter. Means goals will come and go. they will be crazy, inspirational and will totally take us by surprise. That’s why life is a journey and this is what makes it exciting.
I leave you with my list of End goals. I need to thank Vishen Lakhiani and Mindvalley for creating this awesome framework for defining End goals.
But don’t just read my End goals, create your own and let life guide you to them. You will be surprised how magical life can be.
What are you leaving with after reading this article
We have been through a lot in these 7000 words, finding your authentic self. And you need to remember the 3 steps that it takes to live your authenticity.
We first went through finding your PERSONALITY, where we discover that you have an internal voice which was smothered by everything that goes around you. It was about making yourself conscious that your authentic self does exist.
Your internal voice went silent and it was about time for us to see that it still exists.
After we discovered that there is something living with in us, wanting us to behave authentically, then it all became about figuring out what your authentic self is.
This also included 3 steps: traveling, discarding bullshit rules from our society, and volunteering.
When we did any (or all) of these, we found out when our internal voice, our PERSONALITY literally screams, saying “This is the thing!”. Then, it’s time for us, the found ones, to figure out how to live that authenticity day in and day out.
And for that, we needed the third step which was all about applying your authentic self every single day.
We did this through establishing our end goals and distinguishing them from our means goals.
The third step made us create our mission statement, something which we do every single day to live our authenticity. And what kind of a person would I be if I didn’t lead by example in these categories? So I included my mission statement and my end goals.I hope they will, as this entire article, serve as an example and motivation for you to pursue your authentic self.
Thanks for being a voracious reader of SelfHelpBasis.