You are there. In bed with her. You just woke up and she just woke up. She is looking into your eyes and you are looking into her eyes.
Both of you have that happy smile on your faces. You know, the one that says “This is the best fucking feeling in the world”.
As you lie in bed and look her in the eyes you wonder “How did I get her with my honesty?”
But it actually never happened.
Because you lay together in bed and you are looking in her eyes, feeling like an asshole.
Because you had to lie to her. You had to cheat her down so that she could be with you. And now you don’t know who is hurt more. She, who has been lied to and deceived or you, who had to lie to be liked by someone.
We will fix this.
And that is what you will learn today.
How to stay true to what you feel and not be embarrassed by it.
The shift in your head
We, humans, have this tendency to be afraid of a lot of shit. We think about things every day but yet, never find a way to express ourselves.
Did it ever happen to you that you were walking down the street and you spot a gorgeous girl? A stunning beauty!
Your eyes meet half way and she gives you a smile. Your heart starts beating faster, pupils dilate. You start sweating a bit. It’s because you are nervous.
You want to approach her and talk to her but fear stops you. Both the fear of rejection and fear of not having anything to say.
And the only thing that you really want to say to her there is “HAVE MY BABIES” and then you want to get to know her.
I know it. I have been there and I am still there. But I truly go up to girls that I like and tell them “HAVE MY BABIES”. And guess what?
It just cracks them up. I do get a “go away, weirdo” from time to time, but hey, that is just life.
But what I want to tell you is this.
The first step is always to be true to yourself
The point of it all is to notice when you have a feeling, recognize which feeling it is and then do the best thing ever, EMBRACE IT!
Embracing what we feel is the best thing in the world. You embrace yourself fully. Your anger and rage, but also your love and empathy.
The compassion and affection, your sadness and tears, your depression but also your joy.
So let us dive together into recognizing, analyzing and embracing!
The first step is always figuring out that something is happening in our heads, hearts, and bodies. For us to master this step, we need help from a popular word used almost everywhere today and that is mindfulness.
See, when you are aware what is actually happening around you and inside of you during most of the times, then you have reached the state of mindfulness.
You are aware and mindfulness = awareness. To both your internal and external state in the present.
When you are walking down the street, you are actually walking down the street and not putting it on automatic.
You are aware that you are walking down the street. And then a magical thing starts happening.
You start to notice shit happening!
You notice the variety of colors in that small Indian shop on your walk to the university.
The smell of flowers in the morning from the local flower shop.
The old lady struggling with her bags and you help her out.
And guess what else you notice? That beautiful girl walking down the street towards you. Something that you would have skipped just a day ago.
This is step number 1 – noticing stuff and for this, we are using mindfulness.
Step number 2 is
Okay, so you have spotted the girl. And something happens inside of you. You know that something is happening because you are aware (mindful) and you have noticed. Defining what it is now is sometimes super easy.
But there are times when this requires a lifetime of asking. A lifetime of figuring out, questioning, asking, trying to recognize what it is.
Like having a crush on a girl. You know that it’s happening because you are going crazy. You are just looking at the girl with “those” eyes and just want to be with her.
That is easy to recognize.
What is hard to recognize is when you are just okay with being okay. When your relationship is just okay and you are okay with that. Recognizing that in fact, you don’t want that and that you are not okay with “just” okay is a lot harder.
You need to ask yourself what is it that you are feeling in the moment.
Just stop when you figure out that something is happening and ask yourself “What am I feeling now. What is this?”
This question will help you recognize what is happening internally and externally.
You can’t control the way that you feel and the feelings that emerge, but you can control your actions.
The control is in your actions and this is where the step number 3 comes into play.
So far it was kind of easy. This is where you make it or break it, where the honesty kicks in.
When you notice that there is a feeling you have in you, recognize what it is, now it’s time to do something about it.
The first thing is always embracing that you are having that feeling. So if the feeling is anger, it is perfectly fine. You will embrace that you are angry but you won’t go around fighting people. You will control your actions.
When you get the feeling of just wanting to have a great experience with the girl, tell her that! Embrace the feeling that maybe you are not ready for a relationship with her.
There is nothing wrong with you. This is a feeling you are having and you have decided to embrace it.
Honestly, tell your intentions and embrace them. The girl will do the same. You don’t have to be ashamed of the feelings you are having. They are a part of you. A magical part of you which makes you YOU.
Embrace it and share it with the people you like, love and want to be with. Doesn’t matter if they are friends, family or the gorgeous girl walking down the street whose eyes meet yours halfway.
Tell her. Be honest and embrace who you are.
You are enough and your feelings are enough. Tell her what you want and what you can give. Be kind and nice but be honest. Don’t be ashamed of what you feel.
Wanting a one-night stand is something you are feeling at that moment. Not wanting commitment is something you want at that moment.
Embrace it with your full heart.
And it can be beautiful. Really beautiful. Like from the start of the article when I told you that you are in bed with her.
You look her in the eyes. And she looks you in the eyes. You both smile with happiness.
But now you don’t feel like an asshole, you don’t feel like shit.
You are liberated in your honesty.
She is enjoying it.
And even better, you are enjoying it.
The truth really set you free.
Thank you for reading the article. I hope it was helpful to you.
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